I walked in the rain today
It didn’t stop for me
The drips and the drops persist
The soggy dew pats my face
Cold, soft, looking down on the human way
Without another thought, I hustle and bustle about
I read, I write, I don’t stop to see
That the rain keeps falling
All through the day’s doings
Searching for me, all in a pout
It plays upon the pane
Whispering the tales of its descent
Through the clouds, down the glass
The rain, it trickles from left to right
Cloudless, pure, rolling down my window frame
When will I see this beauty of the sky?
I never can catch it when it happens to hover o’er me
And so, the rain, it bades me farewell
Until next time we may visit
But I won’t realize your coming until you’re departed from me.
Hey Margaret. This is a very introspective, detailed poem. Full of voice too. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this (especially since the rain has returned AGAIN. haha.)
ReplyDeleteThe lines that seemed to hold the most strength to me were:
"Whispering the tales of its descent
Through the clouds, down the glass
The rain, it trickles from left to right
Cloudless, pure, rolling down my window frame"
"But I won't realize you're coming until you're departed from me"
The stanza that I copied and pasted seemed to have the most vivid language. The journey of a raindrop, in all it's gentle fallings through space to top on the speaker's window.
And the last line of the poem is the most strong line because it finally personalizes its subject, naming the rain as "you". It leaves the reader wondering if the speaker is still talking about the rain, or if the speaker is refering to someone who resembles the rain (both very interesting ideas).
I have one idea for revision. The line "through all the day's doings" is a good use of alliteration, however what does the speaker's day's doings include? And what would they be that would make he/she stop to absorb the majesty of the rain? (I know this sounds silly, bear with me.) Anyone can stop and think about the weather. But this speaker seems to have a reason for doing so. Maybe this could be expanded on? It's totally up to you though.
Good work :) and the format of the poem is interesting with all the spaces, like all the spaces between falling rain, etc.