Memory
Sudden, harsh, loud in mine ears
Sweet rush of once thought out thoughts
And quick farewell to a time once known
It is fonder whence looked back upon
Askew, the frame tilted in perspective
The mind is as a film
Unable to see, unable to face the realm of reality
We remember you and I in a different light
You, young and ripe in a new time
And I, here to survive the by and bys
Tell me, will the remembrance of I suffice?
Or will it wear out as the mortal body?
Decomposed, faded away, sunken into the dampness of ground
I, dead to you, and you to I
The tales given to the soil, lost to time
Farewell for now and then
Goodbye to you and I
And so, I travel this wheel round n round
You go the miles to there and here, just to be you and I once again
Okay margaret I'm going to be honest here, some of your poems I didn’t really understand. However, I enjoyed reading them and me not understanding them is a good sign. It means your writing is so in-depth and unique that I, being a simple and less complicated writer, cannot grasp but I yearn too. I can’t wait for our discussion in class to be able to learn the meaning behind your writing. It is all so beautiful to me.
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Hi Margaret, Really interesting poems. Thanks for posting them. I think I liked "Rain" and "Memory" best. They were more concrete in setting and situation than the others. And I like the concrete and the physical in poetry. The others are ok, but I reacted like Kay. I thought they were a bit abstract and vague. In the first and third poems you don't really develop a situation that references the title until in the middle of the poem. Until I come to "praise be to the One" I am not sure what's going on, so it's hard to pick up on a line like, "the sea is my name a 'callin." Use physical concrete images to let readers visualize your poems. In the third poem it's not until the 12th, 16th, and 20th lines that I can figure out what's going on in the poem. Using imagery, you can be both direct and elliptical at the same time. "Rain" and "Memory" work best because they have more of the visual and concrete. There's a lot of good, deep thought going on in your poems. dw
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this poem and what you did in it. i think it is vey interesting the manner in which you chose to use older versions of English like "mine ears" and "whence." It sort of gives an allusion to age and a time gone and in the past-which is what memory is. Very cool. What I find troublesome though is the introduction of "we." It is not clear to me who is "we"? I understand and see the image you were trying image you paint of memories dying with the use of words like "decomposed" "ground" etc, but I had trouble pinning down who the conversation was between, but that's probably just me. Good job though! :)
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